Unquiet Slumber for the Sleepers.....

I’m trying not to be negative here.

It’s been three days since Chris left. Right now he is somewhere in Germany, although I can’t say exactly where. I’m sure he’s getting acclimated over there and is quite busy, so I’ll have to wait to find out what is going on.

I didn’t really get the chance to spend much time with him, one on one. Most of his time was spent with his friends. I’ve had to get used to taking a back seat to them, although it’s never been a comfortable position for me to be in. Although I’ve tried to do my best for my boys (and I know, like any parent does, that I can always do better) I’ve felt a little resentment from Chris over our family situation. As I think of it was probably to both his mother and I; he would come to us when he needed something and back away once he had it. The best I could do was to be there for those times. I think he realizes that but it never changed how he handled it, preferring his friends to family. I wonder if they are praying, like me, that 9 AM on 10/29/06 is not the last time I will see him. In his line of work that is a distinct possibility.

I do wish I had the time to speak to him about his experience. It’s probably an interesting tale. I could imagine it’s quite a range of emotions that you go through for those 14 weeks. Those first few weeks have to be a living hell, yet some 3 months later you come out ready to take on anything. Having never gone through that myself it would be nice to learn about.

But I have the other guys to take care of, and no place for any slack. Nor is there anyone to allow me that slack, that unconditional help that we all need at some time, so I can try to gain some perspective on this. There are friends that can provide a distraction here and there but it’s not the same thing. This is becoming a reminder of the loneliness I try hard to keep at bay and it may be harder than other times.