What Changes?

I started thinking about friendships today. Actually, a conversation I was having with a friend started me thinking about it. I was thinking not about the friends I have but the ones that got away. What was it that made them end?

There are some you can't control. Like the friends that move away. Nothing really changed the friendship except the distance. You both have different lives to be lead and keeping in touch is not as easy as it seems (actually, it is, it's usually just a commitment that is needed). And when you think of them you know that they are still your friend, and that they feel the same way, and that's a comforting thought.

There are friendships that you should have controlled. Those end usually with a stupid word bring said, or a stupid deed being done. Some you can look back on and say the friendship was gone before the action happened, and that it would have happened later had it not happened then. With others you realize that the action was a mistake. But sometimes the damage has been done and there is no way to recover from it. Perhaps the amount of forgiveness needed is greater than the strength that was in the friendship, the hurt to great to overcome. Pride kicks in too, foolishly. And the passage of time makes it tough to go back. I look back at these and feel a sadness for what is lost and hope that I have learned the lesson that it gives.

Then there are the friendships that just seem to drift apart. These are the ones that stymie me the most. It's with someone where there is mutual caring and love and yet a gap seems to start to grow. And it's recognized by both of you but it keeps getting wider. And you get to the point where you don't think you can bridge that gap, or worse, you don't try. Why does this happen? What changes? Why do you feel that you can't communicate with this person in the same fashion - open and honest - as you did before?

That's what I feel it comes down to, the ability to communicate as you did before. An insecurity comes out, which to me doesn't make sense. Being you is what made the friendship strong, same as your friend being themselves. And an apathy that was never present before is there. Apathy sure wasn't what made the friendship a success.

In a world where we try to get someone to accept us and to love us, and where we were obviously successful, for some reason we let it go. I dont get it.