Walking On The Moon

It's been in the low 20's here at night for about a week or so. I've been supplementing my MA workouts with some evening walks (more on MA in a bit). For the last few nights it has been remarkably clear. I've been walking in a place in the neighborhood where the lights are spaced out more, it's a little dimmer. It's very quiet, the cold keeping most people indoors. In the darker areas when looking up I can see more stars out than I can remember in recent times. I love looking at the stars, very peaceful and relaxing. And the crisp air is very invigorating. I need to clean up the yard and get something that I can have a fire on for nights like this.

If I had won a trip to space in a contest I would have done anything possible to pay the tax on the prize. I can't think of a more spectacular adventure than to go up in space and look back on our home. That has to be one incredible view. Don't you love getting the window seat on the plane so you can watch the Earth pass below you? We really do live on a beautiful planet.

What a strange species we are.

So these walks are to get me to 5 hours of exercise related activities per week as recommended in Metabolism Advantage. The walks are supposed to be of the brisk nature but that's not happening. I really enjoy just walking and observing, not making it to be more than that. Don't get me wrong I love to exercise, especially the lifting part. But usually in life I try to avoid situations where I need to lift a heavy weight off my chest or move a 300 pound rock. And I don't want to eat the veggies, I want the cheesecake. And I don't want to feel guilty about it (I'm stamping my feet right now). I'm comfortable with me, in all regards, right now. Why do I feel guilty about that?

Tonight it was cloudy out.

The Sound of Music

I like the sound a woman's heels make when she is walking by. Especially if the woman knows how to walk well in them (I can imagine it's not easy). It certainly gets my attention.

Traveling Shoes

I want a pair of those shoes the kids are wearing, the ones with the wheels in the heels. Do they make them in adult sizes? That would be cool to glide along on them. They look very smooth. Kids these days have all the cool toys.

Ch Ch Ch Changes

This is where I've been working since September 2001. It's in Brooklyn across from the southern tip of Manhattan. The area has been approved to become a park. The park actually goes from the Manhattan Bridge, about a mile and a half north of here to about a half mile south. Pretty big park. The building I'm in is on a pier that sticks out into New York Harbor. The plans for the park include tennis courts, driving ranges, basketball courts and general greenery and park-like settings. It should be very nice.

The only problem is for the park to go in the building has to come down. Now I wouldn't mind having my desk on a nice, manicured lawn with this view, but that's not happening. So we have to move. Somewhere. And we have to be out by May 15th. That's not much time.

They started taking down some of the racks inside of the building and moving material out. But no one is saying anything about the move. People are starting to get nervous. One option they have is to move our office to New Jersey. That's not good for me. I can't see driving 100 miles a day through New York - New Jersey rush hour traffic (both rush hours) 5 days a week. First off my car wouldn't survive it. It's a 1988 with almost 198K miles on it. Second, it's taking my already 9 hour day and adding 4 hours traveling to it. I don't see that happening.

I hope that they say something soon so I know how to make plans. In the meantime I'm dusting off my resume. Best to be prepared, whatever the case may be.

Fading Lights

What do you do when the light starts going out? As you slip into the darkness that you know you can't escape from. It's a long way down and you can't see where you will land. Are the walls closing in? You can't tell, you only feel the confinement. Crawling forward, reaching out with you hand, hoping to find the end. There's no light at the end of this tunnel. Or is there?

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

You'll never get to hear me play, that's pretty much guaranteed. But I really love playing guitar. Very soothing and relaxing, and sometimes I surprise myself and play something good. Not too often but enough to keep me coming back.

I've been playing music since I was around 4 (yes, they had music back then). My father one day came home with an accordian for me to play. I couldn't pick the thing up and if you sat it on my lap I disappeared behind it. This wasn't working but he had an idea. He got some plywood, took the bellows off the accordian and mounted the keyboard and buttons on the plywood. Then he bought an air blower and used that to replace the bellows. A makeshift organ. That was my introduction to music. In school I would always join the band class all the way through high school. I played saxophone, trumpet, trombone, baritone horn and percussion. Then the Beatles became big and I got hooked on the guitar and bass. So, I've been playing guitar for about 40 years now. I'm not good but that doesn't matter. It's always there when I need it and it brings me peace.

TV or not TV

Hanging at home yesterday, doing the Mom stuff (cleaning, laundry. etc.) I'm waiting for the playoff games to come on. The kids are out so I start watching the Colts-Ravens game. About 5 minutes into the game here they come, with some friends. Now, their video games are hooked up to the TV in the living room so I know why they are here. "Hey, whatcha doing Dad?" "I'm cleaning leaves out of the gutters. Here's your sign". And then their pacing starts. To the kitchen, back outside, one heads to the bathroom. At the end of the first half I tell them they can have the TV. Later on I have to negotiate watching the second half of the Eagles-Saints game.

The kids have TV's in their rooms but they couldn't hang with friends there, it's too small. So that's why the video games are hooked up in the living room. But I don't have a TV in my room, and I don't really want one. So the living room TV is where I do my occasional viewing. But I feel I'm being wedged out here. I don't like to pull rank, I like that they are hanging here and not out on the streets. But there's the rest of the playoffs, March Madness, the Stanley Cup, BASEBALL all coming up. I may have to breakdown and get a TV.

Or sell the kids.

Absence of Fear

fear - n. - a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Google "quotes on fear" and you’ll find a boatload of them. Fear is one of the toughest emotions we have to deal with. To let it grow could be disabling, letting it take control of our lives and making us ineffective. And yet overcoming a fear can be a rewarding experience, preparing us for other fears that will surely come our way.

"…whether the threat is real or imagined;" The real fear (i.e. an unattended toddler heads out towards the street) is out there in front of us, clearly defined. Our instincts come into play with real fears. Fearing for the child’s safety causes us to react, to eliminate that fear. Our reaction is swift, instantly calculated and done without conflicting thoughts. The danger is past once the child is in our arms.

Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed. - Michael Pritchard

But the imagined fear, the ones we create in our minds are far more difficult to gain control of. Our imaginations can run wild and in many directions. We can come up with thousands of scenarios with thousands of possible solutions. The more scenarios we create the less chance we have of overcoming the fear. Confusion and doubt set in, confidence erodes and nothing gets resolved.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. – Marianne Williamson

Everyone has the ability to overcome all of our fears, and to not let them ever compromise our ability to live. A trust and a faith that we are who we believe we are. And that we can hold on and get past any danger that is out there, known or unknown. To be courageous, the ultimate compliment.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. - Ambrose Redmoon.

Communication Breakdown

I let down a friend. That's fucked up.